Insights and Reflection: The Art of Acknowledgment

The Art of Acknowledgment: A little guide to opening doors to life

PLEASE TAKE A MINUTE TO READ!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is one thing I want to post before I sleep. It came into my mind just as I was intending to sleep. 

(To whoever that would spend a portion of their time to read a reflection a 17-year old guy makes, I hope it will be a worthwhile read!)

Here is something. Many of us are smart, we are wise. But in this world, there are many important things that we need to ACKNOWLEDGE.
ACKNOWLEDGE is not as simple as it is. I'm pretty sure many of you might already know it, but acknowledge is the product of two very important things in life. That is, Action and Knowledge.
For me, I have the knowledge, but rarely the action. It ain't simple to do it.

In fact, I feel that action is more commonly followed after knowledge.

Knowledge is the first step to succeeding in many things. By gaining Knowledge, one can get a better view of your surroundings, explore the depth of your next venture and also get a good view of your current position. Obtaining knowledge tests our curiosity, our ability to think out of the box and also to reflect and develop on ourself. Simply said, it's a form of development that usually takes place on the inside, AKA internal improvement.

Action is the next step, and I can say, it is a "Not easy but very rewarding" step. I really ain't in any position to talk about this because I'm still stuck in the Knowledge Zone. Action however, is a big leap from the Knowledge Zone.
In this Action Zone, everything is emphasized on physical endurance, willpower and the willingness to "DO IT". Like how a traditional campfire is made, the starting is really really tough. It takes a lot of skill, patience and also drive(in this case, to set up the fire to ensure your warmth) to get a spark. The reason why I call it a spark is because, a spark, unlike a fire, dies out easily. And this is the truth. After we get our initial start-up, we need to constantly put in that consistent effort in shielding that little spark from the wind and to with some luck(in some cases) and effort, that little spark will nurture into a big flame. And this big flame, will ensure our warmth, AKA our growth.

Like all game cliches, conquering each zone grants you a personal boost and also a key. This key is a special one but there is a catch. If you want to enter the Acknowledgment Door, you need two unique keys, Action Key and Knowledge Key. When you finally obtain both keys, you'll be able to unlock the door that leads you to ultimate enlightenment, The Art of Acknowledgment.
One thing I can say for sure is, I haven't unlocked this treasure yet and I believe it is still far from my reach. Also, the treasure behind each door is different and there are many many doors out there that are waiting to be opened. I must also reinforce the fact that not all the doors have only two keyholes. Some out there might even have three or more! It is basically like a real life RPG(Role Playing Game) infused with Puzzles.

One last thing before I end this post. As I have mentioned that there are many things that needs to be Acknowledged, I might as well mention a few. Firstly, personal health. For the few of us that ain't living healthily, we need to Acknowledge the importance of unlocking this door. Health is Wealth they said, and it's true. I myself am trying hard to regain that spark that I've made but got extinguished away due to lack of constant effort. Secondly, Virtues. Most of us already knows our virtues, but do we apply them into our lives and make everyone else's daily lives better? I don't think I've found the key to it yet... Lastly, ACKNOWLEDGING ACKNOWLEDGMENT is the most important thing in this post! Without acknowledging the art of acknowledgment, one will not be able to understand the importance of Action+Knowledge which ultimately forms Ac-Knowledge. With this said, I end my post for it is half past midnight. I really hope people will see this post and maybe share it around huh?

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Did this yesterday night, thought I should share it so that whoever that visit this blog may have a chance to see what I have to say.

Shower Time Thoughts! Ep 1 :D

Starting a new spam post series called Shower Time Thoughts here!
STT Ep 1:
 As I was showering, I came to a conclusion that most people wouldn't give a damn about a situation unless they or people close to them experience it. For example, people will go about hating, wondering
and being rejecting of gay people because it is something that is rather foreign to them. It is true isn't it.
Had I not came into your life, screwed it up and then told you I was gay, you wouldn't even have had been supportive of people like me. In fact, some of you might even be sticking to your religion like a hardcore religionist, no offense though. It's part of our human nature to stick to something that seems more assuring until you realized the truth, this in particular, I'm referring to those group of people that you always see holding up signs that say "Fags go to hell".

Once again, I would like to bring attention to people about depression and suicidal tendencies. Many people always say, "I want to die", "I want to kill myself", but I don't think they really mean it. Yet, to some of us, the depressed ones, a simple, "Kill yourself man, you suck!" joke may lead to a tilting point. It happened to me a lot. When I'm depressed, I hide my emotions as much as I can. Because of this, some people won't even realized that I'm in a horrible mood. Sometimes, be careful of the words you say, especially if you are a direct person, because you never know how the person receiving it might react to it. Also, I came to realized that some people who never truly understood depression wouldn't be able to understand how it feels. For me, when I am/was depressed, it simply wasn't about, "Hey let's look at things on a brighter point of view." or "Cheer up". It isn't just something that you can broaden your mind up on suddenly.
For me, when I feel down, I automatically feel pathetic. I'll start feeling worthless, which I am kinda... And then... Sigh, screw this, I'm not even feeling good right now. I'll just end the post here. Btw, the shower time thought was actually supposed to be two days ago. Right now, I'm just trying to remember what I wanted to say.
To sum it up, the end of the world is coming, hurray! Things ain't just that superficial, look underneath it, then you'll truly be shocked and will you finally understand. My bottom line is, "Don't judge, till you experience it yourself."
PS: I am still guilty of judging people. But I'm learning, and trying to make myself better. To whoever reading this, yea, this is it :D

A poem! WOW!

The hidden path-Original work of WC

Fire flies,
They are lies~

The Flicking Lights,
Many Blind Nights~

May they open up,
Lets take a gulp~
Embrace the Path~
Then will the Bath~

Dream time, they come,
Though never it seems,
The truth~
shall ever be seen~

Inside the darkness,
Hides the path.
Walk on it,
Never sit~

Faith may flicker~
Let it tickle~
Make your fire,
With your heart.
Light it up~
And with it~

Fireworks will fly~

Sparks shall grow~

And shall your Heart too, glow~

To find the path,
lies hidden traps,
Rejoicing at fallen screams~
For those who can't hold their dreams~
It's the end it seems~
Deep within the sorrowful stream~

Past them though,
One will find,
A Golden Lift,
Never though, by grift,
Shall one find true gift~

Open the box,
shall you find,
the greatest treasure of all~

Though what it holds,
shall forever be a myth,
for those that daren't venture thus far~
Shall not prevail~
Until the mist of lies~
Finally dies~

Never cry,
For you won't fly,
Heavy weights,
you may throw,
till the end,
it's still your soul~

Underneath the stars~
the black and blue skies~
Now will you see~
The river of dreams,
the calling of your endeavors~
May you stay true,
Away from Grue.

Win this race,
not with your face~
But your grace.
And forever the lace,
shall be tied!

Bed bug bites~Katy Perry-dy( I LOVE HER)

Bed bug bites~ Parody of "Wide Awake", Katy Perry

Brief Info:

Was bitten by bed bugs, became wide awake, hence forth the lyrics to this song parody created by my nothing-better-to-do head.
Took one hour to change the lyrics =.=

Lyrics: 

"I'm wide awake,
I'm wide awake,
I'm wide awake,

Yea, I was sleeping hard,
Dreaming so damn hard,
with an open butt,
(I'm wide awake,)
how did I get bitten so long,

I'm wide awake,
And now it's clear to me,
that everything you see,
ain't always what it seems,

I'm wide awake,
Yea I was sleeping for "SO" long...

I wish i knew then,
what I know now,
wouldn't jumped in,
wouldn't lie down,
bed bug bites hurt,
I tot it was no kick,
till I woke up,
all bruised and no sleep!


Falling from my high~
scratching from the thighhhhsssss,
I'm getting off tonite!
yea, I'm falling from my highhhhhh,


I'm wide awake,
I'm losing all my sleep,
can't pick up any sleep,
(I'm wide awake,)
Nid money to complete myselffffff, nooo
(I'm wide awake,)
I'm bitten again,
out of the bed bug's den,
I dun have to pretend,
and its too late,
I'm bitten now, the end~

I wish i knew then,
what I know now,
wouldn't jumped in,
wouldn't lie down,
bed bug bites hurt,
I tot it was no kick,
till I woke up,
all bruised and no sleep!

Falling from my high,
(it was out of the blue and,)
Lashing out all night~
I'm letting it go tonight
( and I'm letting it go and)
I'm scratching from the thighhhhsssss,
I'm wide away,

Tummy rumbling,
Diet crumbling,
I am trying to hold onnnnnnnnn,
I'm wide awake,
My mum saw the light,
seeing the bright side,
No bug bite anymore~

I'm wide awake~ oh no oh no
I'm wide awake~

Yea, I'm falling from my high,
Lashing out all night~
You know I'm letting it go tonight and,
I'm scratching from my thighs~

I'm wide awake~
I'm wide awake~
I'm wide awake~
I'm wide awake~

PS: I hope there isn't gonna be any copyrighted issue. Original idea from myself~ I swear...

Have fun! I recommend playing it with the vid!

A piece of thought: Cookie 1

Late night post: Shower thoughts

As I was showering just now, I couldn't help myself from thinking about something real saddening. It's about how people stereotype/judge others.

It started with me coming back from my grandma's house. As I was holding a huge bag of rice and desperately trying to flag down a taxi, I noticed two men walking together towards me and my family(my bro and mum)'s direction. My mum didn't notice anything because of she doesn't have a habit of looking around like I do so it was ok. But as I noticed the two men were actually holding hands(or rather being rather shy, they were holding back), I can't help but to distract my less accepting younger brother so that he wouldn't judge them. As they walked pass me, I'm glad that my bro didn't see what they did as I know he is still young and may be too quite to judge. When they walked further and further away, I can't help but feel that there is still hope in fact, having seen three gay couples in real life before. The first was a cute couple that I coincidentally saw twice while in an unfamiliar area. The second was a lesbian couple who kissed at the bus stop(They were cute!) And thirdly, the one that I just saw an hour ago. It gave me hope that one day, any type of couples can walk the streets without feeling awkward about themselves. They can hold each other's hand lovingly and enjoy their time with each other. I do want to be able to do that, to hold the hands of the one I love, to walk along the streets with him proudly, to savor every second with him and give no shit to the judging eyes. Love shouldn't be judged. 

Sub story~

Pardon me, I also find the story of the goose(was it? Or was it a duck or smth?) that fell in love with a man, cute and adorable. I mean, love is love. I don't mean that all type of love are acceptable but sometimes people need to open their minds wider. Animals are still creatures with emotions, well at least the bird has emotions~ I DO NOT support animal sex on the other hand. Love is still ok, just don't over extend it I guess... Fk me... =.= If it didn't make sense on the animal love part, just ignore it...

Back to shower thoughts~

Alright, so as I was saying, I came to realize a saddening truth, that most people, including myself, have to go through/experience/come close to a problem/issue/person just to be able to not judge them. I know what I am saying may sound a bit confusing, I'm rather blur right now(Supposed to be sleeping already but decided to do a last minute blog!)
In order to make myself sound clearer, lets use an example. 

In my case, I have to admit that if I was straight, I would find myself not in favor of the LGBT community. I'm really embarrassed to say that but its the truth. It's because that I am gay, I am exposed to this wonderful community that I would never have been a part of if I was straight. For that, I am really glad that I am born this way. I can clearly say that many of my friends, you know who u are~ also have changed their perspective of gays after knowing that I am one. It only when something strikes close to you, and that something is a thing that you cherish or hold dear, would you be willing to open your eyes and become at peace with it. 

Another example was the fact that I've tried researching on anorexia for one of my projects before. As I have not experienced it before first hand, I ain't able to clearly understand the reason for them doing this. Only when a few weeks ago, while I was depressed over my weight and the fact that my diet is imbalanced, that I nearly became an anorexic. Trust me, I felt EXTREMELY HORRIBLE! I couldn't put a piece of dognut, a rather healthy piece of dognut too, near my mouth. Every single time I put it near my mouth, I would feel EXTREME guilt and feel horrible. I couldn't do it. A single piece of dognut. And to top it off, I hadn't had a single thing for like the past three to five hours... My brother chided me for being childish but I realized, it's really simple to command, to judge and to think you know it all. I felt worst after he scolded me too. It almost worsen the situation. I had to force myself to put that piece of dognut into my mouth and while I chewed on it, I wanted to vomit. I forced it down, made myself remember that I need to eat dinner, to psycho myself back to normal. In the end, I realized, it is really a horrible mental issue. It's not about "JUST EAT IT" but rather a really real threat that can cause big problems.
After this experience, I came to realize too, we are always too quick to judge, we are all too accept the usual stereotype, that just because he is homeless, dirty and ruggard looking doesn't mean he is all bad and tough. He may be the gentlest man you have met, he may have a greater heart than most of the people you know. 

When people around us start to expose us to issues that we have already subconsciously stereotyped and judged then maybe we may finally open our eyes to explore the world behind the veil that we have installed in front of the beauty that lies in front of us.

Just a start, maybe the next time you see a gay couple holding hands and kissing, instead of thinking, eeww gross, maybe try thinking that that's love. And be happy for them, that they found love, despite all the challenges the society imposed on them.

Next time when you meet a person who is depressed, don't just scold them for being stubborn and not looking at the bright side. Who wouldn't want to be happy if they can? They have problems, especially within themselves. They are waging an internal war and we shouldn't be pressuring them, we should be supportive. 

All in all, when people around us expose us to different issues, our horizons would open up much wider, our world would become much more meaningful and we will also become much more wiser!

Open yourself up people!

Let's create a better world together!!!!!

PS: One day, I'll walk around my neighborhood with my boyfriend, hand in hand and not be afraid of those stubborn eyes! I'm gonna make myself worthy for him and for myself.

PS:If I made a mistake in the above post, please feel free to comment! Try to be constructive instead of destructive too! And lastly, I don't intend to insult anyone or anything!

Views? Who needs them?

Tittle? Not in the mood to.

Bloody hell. I'm so bloody pissed with my procrastination. It's keeping me from moving forward. Right now, I'm just rotting away while the rest of the world drives pass me and I'm just opening myself to be judged by others. Judging me, judging how I look, how useless am I, how lazy am I, how much of a loser I am. I agree though, its rather true actually. I really don't understand how to keep myself from deteriorating any further. Words doesn't do shit to me actually. They aren't able to motivate me. Maybe for a short moment. But I'm rarely able to move my ass to do something that is meaningful unless I find myself with the will to do so. My driving force is within myself. It's a feeling, an urge that pushes me to stop whatever I am doing at the moment and go ahead with what I feel like I need to do. It's a feeling much like an artist suddenly having an inspiration on his next wonderful artwork. Right now, I'm like an artist that is pretty much rusty. His paint is dry, his pallet is dirty. He ran out of paper and he has no money. He is unable to buy what he needs and he just sits at home and dream. Even his pencil is broken. Right now, I need to find a source of motivation within myself to get myself back up on my feet. Pressure isn't gonna help me out at all. Neither is a scolding or a slapping. I am like the wind, I come as I like, I go where I want(lets not look at how pressure affects the direction of the wind).

Right now, yes, I have to admit, I'm guilty of doing nothing, wasting days of my life away while I sit at home infront of the computer. Yes, I gotta admit that I should be out in the society, working my ass off during the holidays. But I also have to admit that my mental stability ain't well enough to take on the challenges of working. Do you know the amount of pressure within myself that is inflicting damage on myself? I feel like a puny idiot who is worthless. All talk and zero action. I realized that I shut myself away from the outside world, I don't try to stay in contact with my friends. Friends? I don't even have much friends to begin with. While I'm in a passive state, I'm an introvert. Yes, its true that I can be fun to hang out with when I'm happy and cheery but screw it. I can't control my emotions and moods. Sometimes, I feel like I'm rather bipolar in terms of mood. I've been trying to keep myself happy, to keep myself relaxed. It worked. Till the moment I get agitated or start to think about entering back to reality. The reality whereby we are just an ant, a disposable economic ant that is growing up so that we can serve our nest. Yes, I feel like a pawn living here. Wait, I feel like a pawn just by living. Why so?
Cause I'm useless and have no money. I don't even care about money. I don't even have much motivation to live in fact.
The reason why I am still alive right now is because of the fact that I have a strong conscience. That's my only forte I guess. A strong conscience. When I get a feeling that I need to do something, something right, I'll not be able to overcome that need. I'll end up doing that thing right on the spot. Be it to help people out or to do my part as a family member regarding housework, I'll do it willingly. But I hate this conscience. It prevented me from leaving.  It anchors me down when I want to walk out of this word, a world that I hate. It tells me that I shouldn't leave the world because of the heart break my parent's and family members would get. And I hate it. And it creates my other side, this evil ego that resides within me. Evil.

I sound dramatic right now, but its true. I am guilty of thoughts. Thoughts that are so evil. Thoughts of innocent people dying in my head while I walk on the street. Thoughts of killing people. Thoughts of killing my parents so that I am left unburden. Thoughts so evil and immoral. And I'm guilty of it. I'm guilty of having this evil kept inside me. There are religious people who said to me before, "Homosexuality is caused by the Devil". Maybe I have a part of evil from the Devil. Maybe that's why I'm gay. Maybe... Maybe I'm just a crazy time bomb that's bound to explode one day and should be kept in an asylum. I bet whoever reads this would have been outraged and disgusted by my guilty thoughts. I must also emphasize, my parent's are nice people. Yes, my parents are nice people and I HAVE THE AUDACITY TO EVEN THINK ABOUT KILLNG THEM. Wei Chin. You are such a letdown and a disgrace.

When I was depressed, I let my crazy side out. I smiled like the joker, with the maniacal stare. I smile while I cry, I laugh while I sob. I feel chills coming around my body. I feel a surge of energy. And its scary. It freaks me out. It's not like a split personality comes out. It's still me, Its still WC. Just a different side of me, thats all. Just a different side, the side that should never see light. The one that feels high while touching a knife. This is me. Can you embrace it?
I'm probably gonna get into trouble for posting this. I still wanna believe that deep down, this evil is a phase, an escape from my trouble. That I am good, I ain't useless, I deserve a chance and a place in this world and I have a future and the right to love. That I was born gay for a reason. That I can find joy and motivation to live.

I cried yesterday night. My mum was asking me to find a course to take part in since I was not doing anything. So I wanted to find baking courses. I got pissed that the courses available weren't the one I was looking for and the page keeps jamming up and I've to reload the entire page every time I pressed the Next Page button. I felt stupid. I felt useless. Dumb. Worthless. And I know that I can't let myself be overwhelmed. As I cried softly against my pillow, I could start to feel the devilish grin coming in. I held it back. I wanted to just give in to that side and let it control my thoughts. But I held it back. I suppressed that side of me. In the end, I'm just a lost child, a person trying to find his light in the night. A key to the start the engine, the engine that marks the start of being me. Of doing things for my own sake, for my future. I need the key. I need something. And I'm gonna find it before I go to work.

~This is me, the depressed side of me.
~Wei Chin

Thanksgiving :P

Sigh, as I got nagged on by my parents, I discovered the real truth. That I'm the coward and I'm the reason for all my troubles. It's the amount of pride I put in myself. It's the amount of self confidence. The lack of courage to step out of my boundaries. And the foolish side of me that constantly never found the will to press on. I question myself, why do people keep trying despite failing. I guess, one day, I will find it out. As my dad shared the life story of people he know, my neighbors... He told me about an uncle living downstairs, who used to fair pretty well economically till his eldest son got cancer at the age of ten plus. He had to press so hard to fund his child's chemotherapy. Right after the recovery from cancer, his son got knocked down by a car and was killed... And he lost his job too. Ending up working as a primary school canteen vendor. But he still presses on for his kid. I am and should have always been thankful for being here. Being safe, being raised in a loving family, having a smooth education as a kid, having to eat every meal peacefully, not live in fear, able to go online to surf the internet, able to listen to songs whenever I want, getting to know songs that guided to through harsh parts of my life, able to sit down on a couch, hug my soft lovable pillow, have fans that bring relief to the heat, blanket that protect me and let me cuddle up, soft toys that acted as my support, friends who advised, cared, joked, scolded and supported me when I needed them. 

Thanks Wanling for being there to listen to me rant through all my rubbish and bullshit theories on life. For being irritating and funny. For being so bulliable! For organising so many family meeting. Lastly, for being there when I was extremely depressed and constantly keeping check on me. You are the support pillar in my life! :D Thanks Jaslin, for being so fun, for being so proactive in our otherwise passive friendship by calling me constantly to share and update each other! Also, for bringing me to Pink Dot to open my eyes. For asking me out to outings. You are the definition of girly and fun! Thanks Wang Ru for being part of my early secondary life which was, in my eyes, horrible and dark. For being the trendstarter, J-pop, J-rock, Animes!!!!!!! And for taking time and having so much enthusiasm every time we meet up! You're the rocker/rocket! Thanks darren for being there so many times! Though you are such a rock and stoner but you're brotherly presence can be felt so easily and it's a comfort to know that if I ever get into trouble, there is someone who would likely physically stand up to help me. You're the elder brother! Hilde Orens! Hey, new friend! You are so awesome that you deserve to be part of this thanks giving post! Well, it was from your post that taught me about the thanksgiving tradition anyway haha. Anyway, thanks for being such a fun, friendly eye opener. I was extremely intrigued by how you are so friendly to someone whom you have never met before and you are a good reason for having faith in humanity and being humane. You are the total role model! Thanks ZY for being an asshole last time, being the geeky dude that bullshitted me so much information that was actually interesting and captivating! For bring fun into my upper sec life, for being someone that managed to withstand against Ms Yeo so long! LOL! Nah, i kid! It's really a joy knowing you haha. The fact that you are so knowledgeable and funny at the same time. And perverted.... =.= I am too rofl... You are the the know it all geek that actually is cool(in a way :P) Anyway, yea, from our conversation, I am also grateful for the ability to feel for myself. To express my thoughts and feelings properly. Also for the ability to have emotions as well as control them. Damn... Who else did I not thanked yet. OH YA! Thanks MY! For playing dota with me all day long and having no life together! For trolling SG pubs so badly that we can't actually have a proper game most of the time, for being the troller and lastly for being so extremely easy to troll(Gives me extreme joy when I troll you!) You are the Gamer! 

OH OH OH OH! Thanks Frank McDonald for being funny haha! U're such an awesome guy and I am so glad to have met u even if it's online :D You're the funny dude being the web! :P

Well, obviously I have many other people to thank and my parents too but since they won't be seeing this, I won't continue to spam this.

LASTLY, THIS IS NOT A SUICIDE NOTE! I feel that it's time I actually thank people for being part of my life, to be grateful for the life that was given to me.

Jaslin Purification, Lim Wan Ling, Mabel Wang, Darren Teng Zhi Hin, Kwek Meng Yang, Hilde Orens, Zy Zhienyan Wong, Frank McDonald.

PS for this long note. I believe this post is enuf for thanksgiving, this year and next year LOL! Goodnite ppl :D

Tragic Story Alert!

Sunday's Gone, Happy Monday Blues!

Damn... There goes my A blog A day challenge... DANG! I missed out yesterday. Well, I have an excuse! I was barely near my com yesterday... Alright, excuses... I was watching documentaries on Marine Creatures and Octopus! The underwater world is really amazing! Goodbye, my lovely baby octopus sushi... :( After watching the documentary on the Intelligence of an Octopus, I feel like it's rather bad to eat it... Don't judge me! It's just that octopus actually have an extremely brilliant mind and they are cute... Their memory is even better than mine! =.=

Anyways, aside from octopus and sea creatures, yesterday was family badminton day. My family along with 2 other family would meet together at the school sport's hall and play badminton for 2 whole hours. It has been a family tradition for like 10 years or so... Or was it... Hmmm.... Badminton IS fun! But there are some unenjoyable stuffs that actually happens during this session...

Let's look on the bright side first! Badminton is really a good way to keep our family body in shape, though the frequency of the session is once a week with is barely even enough... Though I do do some small exercises daily, it's intensity is not as much as the Saturday's sessions(this is bad news....) It is fun playing badminton! Badminton is such a cool sport! For us amateurs(though we have been playing for a long time, I still feel that "amateurs" is still the word to use as we actually didn't have proper training and it would be stupid and arrogant to say otherwise.), we have our own unique way of playing. As we aren't all that physically fit, each of us have our own style. There are some of us whose reflexes are so awesome that they resemble a fish, jumping up and down, occasionally hitting the floor though they are still capable of standing back onto their feet and sprinting away in less than a second. There are another group of us, the experienced foxes, the one who plays around with the shuttle, manipulating it's direction and playing around with the opponent's movements. I hate those dudes... Another group is the slow movers, the stoners who usually stand there if the ball looks like it's gonna land somewhere far. The ones who would give up on the ball. Totally different from the fishes, who would do anything in their desperate attempt to hit that god damn ball. Total different league I'll tell you.
Me? I'm the stoned foxfish... I'm such a weird ass... If I ain't pumped, occurs 50% of the time, all I do is move a meter away from my position, maximum of 1.5 meters on a few rare occasions. Miracles still do happen when I do that! But if I am tired but have the urge to win, the foxy side comes in and I start to analyse and play with the ball, hence I focus on precision. Easy, just aim for their body. Aim the sides. Aim the openings. Do a trick shot. Anything. It works, haha... And there is also when I'm the stoned fish. When this happens, I do whatever I can to haul my heavy body in the direction that I predict the opponent is going to hit, often intercepting their hit due to the accuracy of my prediction.(HEHEHEHE... Kk... I'm being an ass...) Oh ya! And when I say fish, I mean spinning circles to hit the shuttle. I mean, spinning many many many circles... It's a technique haha... I'm so free style that it feels like I'm actually skating or rather...(ahem...), dancing(oh gosh! Don't remind me of the dancing hippo!).... But it doesn't matter how I look when I play, as long as I hit the ball and have fun, it's all that matters :D

Yet on the darker side... Sigh... I am an introvert, despite how cheery I may appear to sound here. I am a passive person who waits upon others to interact with me. I do occasionally initiate conversations with people but it doesn't seem to work with the youths in this badminton gang... I have absolutely nothing to say to them. NOTHING! I'm not even in school now FFS... I can't even talk about how my life is because nothing is going on! But some of them also don't seem to have topics to say to me too... I'm such a boring stupid person... Sigh..... There is this guy that I really want to talk to... But we seem to have lost some part of our friendship 2 years ago... Damn it... I am feeling abit emotional because of Greyson Chance's new song, Sunshine and City Lights. "Is there something or nothing you wanna say...", "What you need to know, is to try to let it go, let it go... What you need, to find... Is someone who will never let you go...". And I have to admit... This guy made me jealous. This guy made me admire him. This guy made me wanna be like him. This guy is what I never will be... I don't understand why... But suddenly, the pain of losing him as a friend is hitting me now... Like right now... I got to admit... I fell for him... A little puny guy falling for a charming and charismatic dude. Sigh, I'm gonna dedicate a post on him... And my other serious crush that crushed me. Stay tuned... for the tragic story of an unconfident fag who fell for straight guys.

Now Adam Lambert's Better than I Know Myself is playing...Talk about staying hype... I'm losing the cheerful mood. Beautiful song that actually described me. This song accompanied me throughout my darkest moments yet... As I day dream away, the next song on my playlist starts... Two steps from Hell's "Heart of Courage". Beautiful symphony that really inspires those at war with themselves. Music... Such wonders... How far would I have travelled without your sacred aiding... As I end this post, I think to myself... How ironic that such a happy post actually went downhill... Isn't it obvious, the drop in the mood? I hope so... At least I know that I am still capable of expressing emotions with words.

Final Note to self: ONE HOUR OF SUNLIGHT A DAY! It begins, tomorrow...

Time to start something more serious!

It's about time!

It's day 4 from when this blog just started! And I would honestly say that one of the reason why I decided to blog isn't just to share my boring daily life. In fact, as a friend, WL, once told me, since I think a lot, I might as well start a blog to share some of my views on serious or controversial topics. The fact that I'm just 17 would mean that I hadn't seen too much of the world. This means that whatever I may express here on this blog might accidentally offend some people. To those people who might be offended from my future post, PLEASE just treat this as an insensitive kid who just hadn't seen the world yet. 

As some of you might think, why blog then, when you know that you aren't knowledgable enough or not experienced enough to give a proper coverage on these serious topics. Well, the thing is, I want to give my personal stand as a 17 year old average guy. And I would also want to note down these thoughts while they are still with me. Obviously when I grow older, I would turn back and reflect on all these posts and it would serve as a guiding tool on expressing my opinions. (I'm not even sure if what I stated here even makes sense. My mind is a bit blank now)

I had jotted down a few topics that I would like to touch on soon:

1)Depression

2)Auras

3)Evil vs Good

4)Conscience

5)Human will

6)Haters

7)Career

8)Homosexuality

9)Bullying

10)Equality and Marriage Equality

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Also, I might also post some short stories. Well, it depends on whether my brain wants to work or not. If I post these stories, once again, please do not be too judgmental because it is just for recreational purposes. With that said, I guarantee you readers that:

1) THERE WILL BE GRAMMAR, PHRASING AND SPELLING MISTAKES!

2) What ever mentioned here may not be your cup of tea. If so, feel free to close one eyes and press back.

3) I will look back at previous posts to ensure there are nothing that may deeply offend people out there.

4) No pornography~ Duuhhhh

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Have a nice day~ <3 

OMG I DID IT!

FML! I FORGOT MY PASSWORD AND USERNAME!

Just minutes ago, I completely freaked out as I accidentally logged out of my google account... and I couldn't log in... I spent 30 whole minutes spamming passwords, spamming security questions and blah blah just so that I could accidentally nail it. Then... After a few tries at my security question... I realised, DAMN! I tried to act smart when I put my security question and entered a totally different answer to the question... And hence, I was banned from trying more security questions till tomorrow.... Pissed!!!

Then I tried my recovery email... "Please enter your recovery email: c*************7.gmail.com"

WTF IS TIS! I swear I NVR HAD AN ACCOUNT THAT STARTS WITH "C" NOR ENDS WITH 7! *Faints~*

But I decided to persevere! Onwards my noobish self! As I continued to spam passwords, I became suspected of being a hacker and a bot and came in the verification codes... That was blooooooooody irritating... DAMN U! 

As I was gonna give up, I went to my youtube account to play songs to cheer me up after getting so pissed... Then I realised I logged into another account on my youtube... As I logged out from that account and enter my usual youtube account, I saw the blooody google log in page again... zzzzzzz..... I stayed through and logged in my youtube account with ease... That was when they showed me my actual google account's username and I was =.=............ It was dumb... I've been using the right password for the wrong username.... ROFL! FAIL!!!!!!!!

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Love this song!

That main singer is so CUTE!!!! AND HOT!!!!

Jaybee is his name I heard. COOOL NAME!!! <3

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Damn, I'm going to the doctor for my psychologist counseling appointment agn... He gave me a piece of paper to record my emotions and thoughts when I went crazy/emotional during the past two weeks. The previous week, I did went crazy and wanted to suicide, with like 10+ 10mg pills of lexapro... Pathetic me... Didn't even noe that Lexapro isn't even lethal esp with such little dosage... Though I felt an extreme surge of drive to cut my wrist... I was even picturing the scene with my head. I'm so foolish and dumb... Broke down after that for an hour, tears just kept flowing as I regretted deeply at my actions... I still cant forgive my foolishness on that day...

Beautiful song that made me do some soul searching T_T

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This is all from me I guess... Hopefully things go well over the weekend~ 

<3 Her Bright Skies for these two awesome songs!

I love CURLY LINES!

Damn! My current life story

Ello to anyone out there that miraculously fumbles upon this blog. I'm still an amateur so I've decided that I'm gonna take it slow and easy haha~ Well, since time is on my side right now, I guess it should be alright to dedicate some time on blogging. I LOVE LONG POSTS!

17 years old~ For some, it seems like a short time. For me, IT IS SHORT! 17 years of my life has whizzed past at such speed that my sloppy memory can't even remember what happened in the previous few months. It's rather sad to see my youth days past by so fast without me doing anything especially significant. In truth, I actually felt like I've wasted my youth! People say, the moment you turn 18, you are considered an adult, a young adult actually. The burdens of domestic life would start to come into your life. As a young adult, the amount of responsibility we carry increases by many folds and now, a single mistake would be bad... Real bad... Yet, I still want to be 18... That's queer ain't it? Actually it isn't at all, I was just kidding. So many young people, teens and kids, out there want to be an adult! It's normal! Why would I wanna be an adult? O.o Well, I wanna an adult because... I want to be able to do things without my parent's consent. Not because I'm a defiant kid though... It's because I don't want them to worry. I have 2 very loving parents, both who knew about my sexuality(kinda), and they still continue to treat me so nicely. 

My Plans~

At 18 years old, I would like to start introducing myself to people with pride in my sexuality. I don't mean, "Hey, nice to meet you! I'm gay!" or like "Hey, I suck balls! Nice to meetya!"... That's awkward... 

At 18 years old, I would want to be involved in the LGBT community in Singapore, at least. I don't want to be just another ordinary guy that sticks within his confined community circle. I would love to interact with people like me(sexuality) or straight allies and hear their stories and stands. I want to be a part of the society! 

At 18 years old, I want to be an active volunteer worker. I was actually supposed to be looking for volunteer service now but I'm currently abit lazy and also trying to build up my mental health. NOT AN EXCUSE!(it is actually, AKA procrastination)

At 18 years old, I want to be confident as who I am, stepping out to interact with people instead of being passive like I have always been for the entire of my 17 years of life.

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November

Right now, I am sitting at home, doing nothing but watching videos, looking through facebook, reading up on random news, playing games with my friends and waiting for each day to pass by. I'm currently just living an artificial lifestyle, one that is just wasting my time. I'm waiting... For someone to ask me to find work together haha... I am just too... prideful? And lazy? I guess so... 

January~ February 

Oh dang... I forget to state why am I just sitting around each day. That's because... I filed for deferment from my poly course haha... This year was such an eventful year. Earlier at the start of the year, I started to work in a cake shop(kinda~) where me, WL, WR, MY(my friends) worked together with many other guys. We actually filed in for packaging work but the lady boss, apparently had her own ideas and so me and MY(guy) got pulled downstairs to help out with the making of cookies and tarts. At first I thought it was fun but... (To be continued...)

February~March

I got an invitation for the IIS scholarship for having a good result from the "O" levels(it wasn't that great actually... 9 pointers for poly admission after deduction), which would have been good if I actually stayed and did well in my course. After being unwittingly pulled into apply for the scholarship, I had to attend 2 sessions of workshop on "How to apply for the IIS scholarship" by my school. After writing out 4 essays for my interview application form, I was subsequently chosen to take part in Round 1 of the scholarship selection. Round 1 was a round consisting of approximately 20 people, with 5 people in each team. We are supposed to work together as a team which were all strangers to each other and come up with a presentation to present to our interviewers. I made it pass that round~ Round 2 was a 1 on 3/4 interview where I was asked about my plans and goals which I amazingly got pass as well. Right before signing the deed, I came to realize that I wasn't confident that I wanted my future to be planned out and decided to drop the scholarship, after many weeks wasted entirely on preparing for the scholarship. Caused some emotional tension within myself as well as my parents and aunts.

April

School finally started! It was fun at first but with each passing week, I got more and more depressed because I couldn't cope with the syllabus which was actually 60% drawing, 20% language, 10% programming and 10% of misc future development thingies(THIS IS A WORD???? :OOOOOO)

May
I went further into a state of emotional decline. Became more agitated by myself. Started to think more negative stuffs. I begin to procrastinate at every single homework and assignment. By mid of May I was suicidal. There was two weeks in May whereby I was just so down and out, I felt a horrid feeling pulse through my body. It was as if Darkness flooded through each vein and vessel. I felt heavy, depressed, horrible. And it ain't anything anyone can understand. Things like this, you may understand it on the surface but unless you truly go through it, you ain't able to fully understand that feeling. Was so bad. So so so bad :(

June
While I waged an internal war, a part of me, broke through the shroud of darkness and made me seek for treatment, all by myself. I engaged the school counsellor, got an appointment for a mental health checkup and got an appointment at a private psychiatrist. I started eating Lexapro as an anti-depressant or something along that line. I was still down throughout.
Came June 30th, the day that changed my life, kinda~
PINKDOT SG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jas, one of my bestees brought me to the PinkdotSG. For those of you that doesn't know what is it about, PinkdotSG is an LGBT event whereby there is a gathering for people to support each other and show each other their love and care towards the LGBT community. There were many straight people there too, showing their support to the community! I was still a closet then, so I just stared at those openly gay people who were with their loved ones with jealously. And it was splendid. The event was an eye opener for me. Pardon me, I used to discriminate against transexual, but after that event, I realised that THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM AT ALL! They were just people who felt more confident in being what they truly want to be! It was then that I wanted to smack myself for being an immature brat who was guilty of discrimination. Anw, while at the event, I saw a cute and cool couple, two young men making their way into the group of people. As a gay hormonal guy, I can't help but look at that two hotties as they found a place for themselves and set up a picnic mat. They sat together, hugged each other, provided joy to each other and later on kissed! And then, "We found love in a hopeless place" line came out from the DJ and woah... I WAS JEALOUS!!!! But touched... It showed me that with determination, hope and will, love WILL and CAN take form anywhere. It was then, I decided, lets do it man! I'm a guy! Why be a pussy!(Pardon me, pussy here is used as a substitute for coward, please DONT be offended >.<) So, it was then that I started an internal war on my sexuality, I won the war and have came out to my dad and eventually(and unfortunately) my mum.

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I guess, I'll just stop here. Whoever that managed to persevere so far, I commend you :D You are truly awesome!
PS: Please do NOT be offended by anything stated here, I am just stating my life and thoughts and do NOT mean to be offensive to anyone in anyway. I am sorry if I had offended you in any way. If offended, leave a message at the bottom and I will consider if there is a need to take down this blog post. Thanks! 

~I~~L~O~V~E~~~C~~U ~~R~~L~~Y~~~L~~~I~~~N~~~E~~~S~~~~~<3~~~~<3~~~<3~~~~~

Welcome to: My life~

Topic: ME!!!!

Alright, here is the first post I am ever gonna have on my blog. So confused what to do right now. So I was thinking... Why not write about myself first? Then I was thinking, me... Is there really anything special about me to talk about? Hmm....

So firstly, ManiacResolve. If anyone ever questions the existence of "ManiacResolve", well... It's just a game name that I go by. ManiacResolve, the Garena(Gamer's platform) was actually an account created  by my brother. We share a computer so we often use the same account to play the game, Dota, till he kinda wanted his own "privacy" or something and decided to abandon this account to me. Ever since then, I've played hundreds of Dota matches with that account, made so much online friends and eventually this name bonded with me. 

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Small Question: Why not just use your real name for the name of this blog? 

Ans: Well... I kinda still feel awkward with using my real name for a post. Gets too intimate I guess... Somehow or another...

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Oh damn! I almost forgot... I haven't even talked about my own self!

Alright! Let's do this formally!

First name: Kee

Last name: Wei Chin AKA WC!

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Gay (Well, get out of this page if you are homophobic :P)

Age: 17

Height: 173cm

Hobby:Gaming (LoL, Dota)

            Reading (Wattpad HAS AMAZING STORIES!)

            Dreaming (I dream of amazingly scary things! XD)

            Emoing

Favorite sport: Badminton! <3

Hair type: Semi curl, Auto styler hair

Likes: Friends, being friendly, cool and windy weather with little or no rain, traveling on a bus while sitting against the windows and staring out into the passing world, thinking meaningful and deep thinks,  hot guys, cute guys, nice guys, trolling friends, being useful

Hates: Angry birds(really makes people angry...), negative emotions from people around me, discrimination, being judged, being lazy, my body as it is now!

What I wanna be: Just a nice and useful guy. A good source of inspiration, a person to look for when you are down and out, and a person to provide solutions and comfort to the needy. A good family guy, a good boyfriend

What I hope to be: A person that you will turn your head to look again while walking on the streets, a person that shines out morally, a person who still knows fun as an adult.

Family info: Living in a HDB building, with my father, mother, and 14 y.o. brother.

Personal info: I'm GAYYYY~~~~ So my post might be related to some gay issues. I ain't a good looking guy, but might actually look presentable when I finally get the energy to work out. Have triple eye lids!(WTF EWWW) I'm a semi-closet haha, I'll explain it in the next few posts. I believe in finding "The One". I am slightly depressed, diagnosed with teenage depression or some thing like that. Had thoughts of suicide before, was close to attempting to suicide, felt depressed many a times and still, I'm HERE! I really hope to find someone that will be by my side, someone to love and someone to love me. Ok... I am actually quite crazy over it... Well, at least I hope to meet someone who is gay and cool with life! Be my friend if you are GAY!!! Hahaha~ I kid about that, we should all be friends no matter their sexuality! Peace~!

Lastly, in this blog, I am thinking of actually posting meaningful stuffs, deep topics and maybe other misc(IDK HOW TO SPELL T_T) stuff. It doesn't matter if this blog doesn't develop. Coz I know I WILL develop! Kudos~!

PS: DAMN IT! I DUNNO HOW TO UPLOAD THINGS!!!!